So... I've been in kind of a poopy slump lately that I can't seem to get out of. I don't want to go into great detail for a few reasons, but I feel like I just need to get it out. I know that one of the biggest reasons I'm feeling stressed is because I haven't been in the Word like I should be. My mind is constantly going in so many directions that it's hard to focus on what I need to; my way of dealing - ignore the problem!
Okay, okay... it's wrong and I know it but for the love of Peter Gabriel - sometimes I just don't want to care. Sometimes ... just sometimes, I just want to tell people how I really feel about them! I'm finding myself getting really irritated with people when normally I wouldn't - or shouldn't. I have a way of "turning the other cheek" when someone does something to me - which I will back 100% - but there is also a point at which enough is enough. I just can't find that point; and even if I did, I don't know that I could put my foot down when that point was reached.
I personally think I am a happy person. I don't let a lot of things bother me. I don't deal with drama. I don't have time for it. I love my life. I love the people IN my life. I feel so blessed. Everyday. I think about all the people and material "things" that God has given me and sometimes I just sit in wonder and awe. God really does love me! I have GOT to show that love to everyone! EVERYONE - YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS FEELING!!! The problem is that... well... there will always be something that tries to pull you away from this love - this feeling - and here I am letting it pull me away.
I've always been a "don't rock the boat" kind of person. I hate making people mad - especially people I have to be around all the time.
Give me a customer service person on the phone that I will never see or talk to again and I will battle to the death, but when it comes to a real face-to-face person...I'm out.
I'm all: "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!"
I find myself thinking "Are you kidding me??? Are you really going to let them get away with that??? Say something!" Then the "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!" part of me says "Just let it go... it's not worth your time." It's hard for me to find the happy medium (especially because I try to make EVERYONE happy).
Truth is... I'm going absolutely insane trying to survive on a daily basis.
I feel bad for my amazing husband who gets the brunt of my sadness. He's the one person that I know I can talk to - the one to whom I can confess all - yet I find myself pushing him away. I don't want to make my problems his. He's too good for them. He's my refuge; how could I pollute him like that? I want him to love the good part of me, not the angry, sad, hurt and damaged me.
This is probably why they say "No one can love you unless you first love yourself." He can't love those parts of me if he doesn't know about them.
So this is the part where I self-prescribe. Quit ignoring your Father God. Fathers know best. Trust me on this - this one especially knows what He's doing. By the way, remember that REALLY LONG LETTER HE WROTE TO YOU??? He wants you to read it. Over and over. Because He loves you.
A lot.
Run back to Him. He misses you.
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