Random Thoughts

Sometimes people annoy me.  Sometimes life is a little ridiculous.  Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the world who sees things the way they should be.  I know, I sound a bit egotistical but honestly I'm not.  It's just that......well....c'mon people, really?

So, I thought I'd share some of the things that randomly go through my head.  Some people should read this and take my advice.  Some are just thoughts.

1. If you are going to pull out in front of my fast moving vehicle, PLEASE at least go as fast as I was going.  I like my cruise control - I do not like my brakes.
2. I hate when people talk during a movie.  Especially a really good movie that I've already seen and I want them to watch.  Then, when they don't love it the way I do, something must be wrong with them. 
3. The same goes for a great song.  I want you to listen to the lyrics - be quiet and listen!
4. I'm sure you really enjoy the food you eat.  I don't want to hear you enjoy it.  Close your mouth.
5. If you can't talk on a phone and drive at the same time, quit doing one or the other.
6. Am I bored?  Or am I hungry?  Sometimes I can't tell the difference.
7. I hate asking "What?" when I didn't hear what you said.  Speak clearly, I don't understand mumblese.
8. Toddlers with pacifiers.  Enough said.
9. I'm pretty sure that every time I leave my house in my PJ's and no makeup, I run into someone I haven't seen in forever.  Really???  No, I do NOT look like this all the time!
10. Have you ever missed a call by half a second then you call that person back right away, they don't answer?  Where did you go???  You JUST called me!
11. I do NOT have a PhD.  I am NOT Dr. Phil.  I love you, seek help from someone who gets paid for it.  I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to say when my people complain about a problem that is a direct consequence of their actions.
12. I set my facebook profile to private because I don't want stalkers.  I however, like to stalk on facebook and I love when people show all their info!  No, I do not want to be your friend, but I will definitely scope out your profile.
13. I want to eat a starfruit, but I have no clue how to do it.  Do you peel it?  Just dig in?  I honestly had to look up directions on how to eat a pomegranate, too. 
14. YOU are the parent, not your child.
15. Of all the thousands of medications, why haven't they invented any cool ones yet?  The magic weight loss pill (I don't WANT to go on a diet, I just want a magic pill), the smart pill, the pretty pill, the magic tan pill....
16. I can tell when someone doesn't like me.  Why can't everyone else?
17. Yes, my last name is Winfrey.  No, I am not related to Oprah.
18. I hate surprise poos.  Seriously, I wasn't ready for that.  The ghost poos are crazy, too.  Now, I just spent 10 minutes trying to get that bugger out and it just disappears?  Not cool, poo.  Not cool.
19. I always have a hair tie on my wrist.  My hair is barely long enough to even put it up....I think it's a security issue.
20. I don't care if I just stuffed my face with an all you can eat buffet, Paula Deen will still make me think I'm hungry.
21. I always say "righty tighty, lefty loosy" in my head when I use a screwdriver.
22. It seems to me that not-so-funny things always become hilarious when you're supposed to be quiet.
23. What exactly ARE eyebrows for?
24. How do people make something like skateboarding looks so easy?  I can barely stand on a skateboard without it sliding out from under me.
25. YOU are beautiful.  BELIEVE IT!!!